Passion Is Not Given, It's Grown

Sorry society failed to tell you to 'cultivate' your passion before following it

Climbing the Gorge Du Verdon, France

‘Follow your passion’ was the advice the college counselor gave when we were about to choose our careers. However, I didn't follow that advice because I didn't feel like anything was truly my passion. Instead, I pursued a computer science degree because I found it interesting, applicable, and fun. Consequently, I have had a relatively good career in the past decade without having a defined passion.

My life feels full without the concept of ‘passion’. However, the only thing missing was perhaps a clear purpose. I toyed around with the idea that the purpose of life is to enjoy it, but it felt somewhat self-centered and superficial. No one told me that an individual's purpose might be hidden behind their passion. Also, no one told me how to find passion in the first place.

Let me share a story of how I discover the path to passion and, perhaps, purpose.

"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something." - Steve Jobs

Flashback to three years ago, I was having a great time working at Twitter, both growing the team and myself simultaneously. My manager trusted me to lead a high-priority mission for the company. Fulfilled and engaged, I invested hours of my personal time into work; I built personal relationships with everyone on my team. We became friends who learned from each other beyond work. It was during this time that a teammate introduced me to the climbing gym right before the COVID-19 pandemic hit. I loved the challenge, but unfortunately, all gyms began to close, and my climbing came to a halt.

Twitter was among the companies that announced a flexible remote work policy. So, my friends and I spontaneously decided to work from Hawaii instead of being confined by lockdowns in Seattle. This decision opened up a new world for all of us. Observing local surfers catching waves whenever they appeared made us realize the stark contrast between their relaxed beach life and our stress-filled meetings.

Working in the Hawaii time zone had a significant advantage. My workday ended at 3 pm local time, leaving me ample time for enjoyable activities. We went snorkeling and swimming in our backyard, learned to surf like the locals, and even became certified scuba divers. My work-life balance flipped, with 'life' taking precedence over 'work,' and it felt fantastic.

After six months in Hawaii, I continued to organize epic road trips across the country, working and staying in Airbnbs with friends while exploring National Parks on weekends.

At this point, I was content with my life, having achieved everything I desired by the age of 31. I had saved up enough money to retire. My parents and siblings were healthy and happy. I was surrounded by wonderful friends who made me laugh and feel valued. While I didn't have a partner, I had mastered the art of being alone without feeling lonely. Life was so wonderful that I felt, 'If I were to die tomorrow, I wouldn't be so sad. I've had a great run.

During this period, I truly missed indoor climbing. With most gyms closed, I decided to hire a guide and try outdoor rock climbing. Our road trip brought us to Vegas, where we set our sights on Red Rock Canyon. My friend T and I, both beginners, embarked on a journey that would unknowingly change my life

Mar 27, 2021. My first outdoor climbing at Red Rock Canyon

The guide led us to a less crowded route, as the popular spots filled up quickly. Assuming we were experienced climbers, he didn't provide many instructions. He led us to a long route on the backside of the mountain. In the blink of an eye, he scaled the wall, disappearing from view. He signaled that he was ready for me to climb by gently tugging on the rope.

"Am I belayed?" I yelled, making sure he was ready to secure the rope on his end.

No response.

I tugged the rope twice to signal that I was starting to climb. The rope moved as he pulled it tight from above.

And so, I began.

The route was far too challenging for a beginner like me. Despite being safely secured with a top rope, my instincts screamed, 'You'll die if you fall.' My arms strained to keep me on the wall as I inched upward. Half an hour passed, and I continued to wedge my fingers and hands into any available hold for stability. My arms were pumped, and my legs began to tremble. Looking down, I saw my friend T, reduced to a tiny dot on the ground. It was surreal—I had come so far that it made me dizzy. Just as I felt my hand slipping from the crag, panic surged through me. I gripped tighter, using every last ounce of energy. This was it; I was about to fall. In that moment, memories of happiness flooded my mind, and a familiar thought whispered, ‘Even if I were to die now, it’s alright. I've had a great run.’

Finally, my arm gave in. I let go. The rope caught me a few feet below, but it felt like a significant drop. My mind went blank; I had just let go of life. For an instant, I forgot who I was. Not an employee at Twitter, not a sister or daughter, not even a friend—I was simply a small dot on the wall, living a small and insignificant life. Not in a melancholic way, but in a liberating one. Hanging from the rope, I felt utterly free.

Harnessing the adrenaline rush, I entered a state of flow while climbing the rest of the route. As I reached the summit, a rush of happiness and energy surged through me, triggered by a concoction of chemicals in my brain. Not only had we survived our first outdoor climb, but I couldn't wait to do it again and again.

From that day on, climbing transformed from a hobby to a passion, nurtured by consistent dedication. I invested in climbing gear and seized every opportunity to climb. Though my fear of falling slowly diminished, the thrill of conquering higher and more challenging summits never waned. It became evident that my full-time job was impeding my training and climbing progress. When the massive layoff occurred, I knew exactly how I'd use the newfound time.

Throughout our travels and climbing experiences, I've cultivated new friendships and become an integral part of diverse climbing communities. I feel responsible to represent diversity within the climbing world and empower those who are intrigued by the art of climbing. I discovered a deeper meaning in contributing to this tightly-knit community, assisting others in pursuing their own passions. It's as if my passion is now giving birth to a newfound purpose, one that I've been searching for.

Summary

Reflecting on the journey, I realize that arriving at this point required the alignment of numerous factors: Twitter's flexible remote work policy, encouraging friends, my fascination with rocks, etc. It couldn't have happened earlier or later or in different sequence either. I now understand the wisdom of Steve Job’s sentiment, you can’t connect the dot forward. Each step, each decision, and each pursuit, no matter how unrelated they may have seemed in the moment, contributed to shaping this journey. Looking backward, every small dots led to where I am today.